I’M OKAY.

Hi there.

I’m going to be okay. No, I AM okay. This last day has been really, really challenging for me. Why? Well, I’m that type of person that likes to set goals and stays 100% dedicated until I reach them. You can imagine how it must feel to give your very, very best yet not achieve your goals. Well, that’s kinda what happened to me yesterday.

I’m a strong believer in the one day theory of BeyoncĂ© (I wrote about it already on my blog). You give yourself one day of full pity and after that you’re going to do everything about it to make it better. Yesterday (and okay, this morning as well), was my moment of pure pity. Now, I’m over it and I will do everything in my power to be the motherfucking baddest bitch you know. Haha.

You know, friends and family are an important factor in your life, especially when it comes to self growth. Sometimes, their opinions about you can help you grow. Which is great. But sometimes, it can’t. Sometimes, their opinion about you puts a label on your personality. At first, you don’t believe it, because duh, of course you know yourself better than anybody else and you don’t think it’s true. Maybe they see you only in a certain way, but they will never see the bigger picture. You do. But after hearing those opinions a million times, you kinda start believing it. You start seeing it as a inherent problem of yourself, something that’s part of you, something that is you. You start acting like it, it seems that something is wrong with you and you need to change that. And that’s the thing. If you are forced by somebody else to change yourself, it ain’t gonna work. It doesn’t matter who this is, it just isn’t. Because then you will see that change as a burden. Then you will see it as a change of personality, of your unique self, like you aren’t staying true to yourself. The only way you can truly change yourself is when YOU want it. ‘Cause then it isn’t going to be changing, but growing. True self growth.

I felt so labeled by certain ‘mistakes’ others claimed that I had, that I started believing them and started even acting like them. I tried and tried and tried to work on it, yet I didn’t feel like I made any progress. I felt like this was a ‘bad’ part of me and I just had to live with it and (over)focus on other things to compensate. But then I thought, wait a second, wtf happened? A couple of years ago I would totally disagree with those persons, I would even say that I never made those mistakes. And then I realized: this is a 100% mindset thing. They made me think that I had a problem and that I wasn’t able to fix it. Well guess what: this bitch is back and I will show you that I can fix every fucking mistake that you think that I have. ‘Cause I ain’t never been a quitter.

So yeah, that’s everything I wanted to say. Sometimes I just have to clear my mind and write this type of shit down on my blog. I like to keep things personal here you know. Maybe a bit too personal sometimes, which is only a good thing if you ask me. I’m never gonna fake that I feel allright when I don’t and vice versa. Question for you guys: do you feel that people ‘label’ your abilities quite quickly? Like ‘oh yeah she’s smart’ or ‘no she definitely can’t do that’? I would love to know.

xo Lilia

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4 Comments

  1. November 12, 2014 / 17:12

    Goed geschreven Lilia, vind je stukjes echt leuk! Snap precies wat je bedoelt, zo hoorde ik altijd dat rechten niks voor mij zou zijn. Gaat anders best prima 🙂

    • November 22, 2014 / 14:03

      dankje emma, means a lot <3 en hell yeah dat het goed gaat, jij wordt een supergoede jurist later! xo

  2. Anonymous
    November 12, 2014 / 20:26

    ahh welk doel heb je niet bereikt dan?

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