I always thought that I would meet him when I was casually reading a magazine at a coffee shop. Or that I would bump into him while picking up the same dvd at the local video store. Or that I would find him waiting in line at a concert of our shared favorite rapper. I could never get rid of that persistent little thought in the back of my mind, saying “what if today, of all days, is the day I will meet him?” So I always made sure I was wearing those jeans that made my butt look good, or that skirt with some sexy leg action. It never happened. I tried pushing this thought away as much as possible, and instead, focus on my personal growth and development.
This approach worked. I dedicated my life to my law studies, deliberating about my entrepreneurial plans after graduation, and spending time with my friends who would soon leave the country. Life was as good as it gets while being a law student - which is pretty much not that great to begin with, but kinda OK. When you least expect it, it will happen. I met him on a day I was extremely unmotivated to study for my finals. I felt crap, I looked crap, and my love life was crap. I decided that it would be a great idea to download one of those online dating apps. Everything suddenly seems like a genius plan if it can give you a reason to avoid studying. It was all fun and games until he asked me out for drinks. I quickly looked at my reflection in the mirror, as I was sitting in my bed surrounded by my constitutional law outlines, pints of chocolate chip ice cream, and food delivery orders. I was wearing my least flattering joggers, my hair was a greasy mess, and I had 10 new friends chilling on my forehead. Yeah, I did not think so.
So, weeks passed. I handed in my last essay on the role of emotions in moral judgments. I was finally free from law school, and most importantly - very, very bored. When you least expect it, it will happen. After not talking for weeks, the same invitation for drinks was extended, since I just finished my finals. He did not forget about me. I was impressed. However, I was not in the mood for a date. Going to some bar with a person I have never met before, just for the sake of trying to hold an interesting conversation with some very uninteresting guy who is only interested in checking me of his literal to “do” list, did not seem like the right thing to celebrate my law school finals freedom. I was trying to find any excuse to cancel this date and just enjoy a nice evening with my favorite companions: Ben, Jerry & Netflix. But I could not find any sufficient reason that did not make me seem like a lousy person, so I gave in to my little persistent thought I had in the back of my mind. Maybe, today would be the day.
When you least expect it, it will happen. That day was the day. It is funny how we always try to seek a pattern, stability and some sense of control in life. How scary would life be if everything would just be completely random. The (un?)fortunate truth is that having control over how certain things in our life will play out is an illusion. Our perfect scenarios rarely play out the way we want them to. Maybe that makes life not very romantic - but it still makes for a good story. And I will settle for that.
Have you ever struggled with having expectations and your actual love story?
P.S. Like my personal writings? Read this blogpost about why loving beauty does not make you dumb.
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I love reading this type of posts. I hope one day I’ll have a love story as you had❤️
I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we’re together for 2,5 years! I know it’s not romantic but it happened. Isn’t that what counts? Yes, you do get 80% of guys who just want one thing, but there’s still 20% that actually cares about something more than that.
I met my boyfriend on tinder because I was just bored, and a good friend of my boyfriend found me on Tinder and thought we were a good match. We are now 2 years together and still very in love. Weirdest thing ever but so so happy that I met him this way.
That is the best story! I met my boyfriend while he was dating a old friend of mine. When they broke up i started to talk with him to see if there was any chances to them comeback together. Well what happened that one day we went out to talk about his ex, how he was dealing (he was super sad about) and was thinking to myself that i was a good friend, when out of nowhere he said he wanted to kiss me. And we’ve been doing it for almost 3 years now. I wish all the best for u and ur boyfriend.
Lots of love from Brazil.
I came from youtube
Ok so I moved down to Portland OR from Los Angeles almost 3 months ago for grad school & I literally had this same mentality! “I will meet him at a local coffee shop” or “I’ll bump into him while grocery shopping”. But now I’ve been focusing on myself. Being independent and away from family and friends. Thank you so much for this! I don’t feel alone, I feel motivated and wanting to move forward on myself. It all starts with you!
Omg this just gave me the chills I am trying to put myself out there more because I really never think of dating only about school work and my business this just goes to show that we don’t have control over shit amazing post
This is really pretty Lilia, it gaves me hope. and the idea that someone as pretty as you can have one of those moments of “not today satan”. I have come to the conclusión I’m a lowkey romatinc person whose afraid of commitment and that the whole idea I have of dating is false so I rather not. Maybe one day it’ll happen and I won’t run away from it.
Wow! “Just a pretty girl ”
I really like your blog !
I’m so happy you shared this little piece of information about your love life. You have always been an inspiration.
This love story and this post really reminds me of this song called “Falling in love in a coffee shop” by Landon Pigg.
May the love you have with you fills you with more warmth and happiness.
P/s: you’re an inspiration! 🙂
Hey Lilia, I’m so happy that you’re happy! You deserve to be love and be loved. As a serial planner, I can totally relate to this post. It’s true that life doesn’t always match our timeline, but I’ve recently learned that there is a bit of beauty in this. I worked with (now) boyfriend while volunteering with lawyers without borders. Things were totally platonic until we decided to go out for drinks one evening, and the rest is history.
I love him so much and I can’t imagine how things would have turned out if I held on to my plans and timelines.
You are an inspiration! Leaving your countryband study in another continent. One of the most diffcult course and living on your own and try your best to achieve… that’s a big Well-Done to the business woman which suits you the track of Ne-Yo Miss Independent ❤ … and for sure your bf has always been noticing you but always wanted to know who is deeply that great woman xxx you deserve it xxx God bless your relationship xxx
I love your posts. Can you write something about blogs? Everyone feels like they are king of out of fashion because of insta or fb. How do feel about that? Also tips on blogging? Thank youu. Love from Greece.